Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
