it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
