I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
