Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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