Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
