there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
