dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
