Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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