what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize