I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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