If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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