he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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