I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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