oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
