I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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