i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
