The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
