I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
smell my finger.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
