mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
