You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
