Yo dont text me then not text me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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