There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
