i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
