i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
