My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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