I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
