Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
