turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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