I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
