New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
