I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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