Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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