She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
