is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
