Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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