so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
