We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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