Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
