Kiss
Puke
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
