i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just threw up on my dentist
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
