Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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