he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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