omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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