And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
