after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
