Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How's work?
Spinning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
