these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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