just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
