you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm bleeding and have questions
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