he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
