Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
