i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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