There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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