i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
