I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
