are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
