Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
