His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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