if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
