so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
