Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
