is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
