They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
