Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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