I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
