Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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