You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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