Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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