You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
