She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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