what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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