Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got inside last night via doggy door
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
