he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
