The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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