so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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